A Life Once Shared
by K9 Block
Summary: John, which is my name for the Tenth Doctor duplicate, and Rose are married but John is *seeing things.*
1. Chapter 1

A Life Once Shared…

Chapter One

It started slowly at first. Flashes. Glimpses in to another world that John could easily put down to day dreaming and only when they became noticeable to others had he done anything about them.

Rose had noticed what she referred to as his mind wandering. He'd be talking to her and then stop mid sentence and it wasn't until she nudged him back to the present that he'd return to her. Speaking often wasn't sufficient to bring him back and a literal nudge became more and more common a means of getting him back.

She wasn't worried at first but when it seemed to happen every few days and then daily she started to do some research and she found something called Absence Seizures, the information she found had said it was most common in childhood but in so many ways John was a child.

He'd been with her for almost 3 years and while he looked and acted like a man in his mid thirties he was in fact not yet 3 years old. They were married and in the bedroom he was definitely a man but in many, many ways he was as childlike as her brother Tony.

He was a fabulous Uncle to Tony. He played with him for hours on end and they had learned together. That was one of the reasons Rose hadn't wanted to leave the mansion when they had got married. They had their privacy there as they had a self contained wing of the house to themselves with their own entrances, but she still had her brother and her previously dead Father near to her as well.

She'd nagged him in to seeing a doctor who in turn had referred him to a specialist and here they were seated in the waiting room and waiting for the results of numerous scans and tests. John wasn't worried, well a little but he was worried that they might give him something to make them stop. He had a theory and if he was right it mightn't be such a bad thing. He hadn't told Rose his theory and he didn't know whether he should or not. It might scare her or worse she might be jealous.

"John Smith."

His name had been called and Rose had nudged him,

"Away with the fairies again?"

"No just thinking." He looked at her worried face and felt guilty. He knew all too well that she was really worried. She had done all that researching and she had nagged him in to seeing someone and taken him to all the tests. Maybe he should tell her.

"John are you listening?" Rose asked.

They were in the office now,

"Do you remember coming in Mr Smith?"

It was the specialist speaking, of course he remembered coming in he had just been thinking!

"Yes, yes of course I remember. I'm sorry I was… thinking."

"This is what he is like Mr Vince, he has… absences."

"Not according to these results Mrs Smith. These tell us that his brain is working just fine; in fact at a very high level. There is no indication of any form or seizures taking place."

"So what is it then?" Asked Rose a little bemused.

"It's nothing. Mr Smith day dreams. Nothing to worry about at all."

After a few more questions Rose and John left and it wasn't until Rose was driving them home that she asked what he had been thinking about.

"So what was it?"

"What was what Rose?"

"What were you thinking about in Mr Vince's office? You were awfully quiet."

"Oh nothing much. I was wondering what he was going to say and just remembering things."

"What sort of things?"

"Just the past Rose, nothing important."

"About *him?*"

He sighed,

"Rose we agreed. When we talk about *him* we both get sad. You miss *him* and I, well I get jealous. It's not good for either of us."

Rose had pulled over just short of their private driveway and was doing her utmost to not lose her temper or cry.

"Well why won't you tell me?"

"I'm sorry Rose if I understood it a little better myself I'd tell you OK?" Maybe he would and maybe he wouldn't but he couldn't tell her what he thought he might be seeing yet. She'd have him sectioned for sure.

"If it gets any worse or anything else happens I'll see someone else, we could get a second opinion yeah?"

"We don't need a second opinion. I trust Mr Vince, he's the best but I wish you'd talk to me. Trust me even."

He swivelled in his seat,

"I do trust you. I, I would tell you if I understood it" he felt like he was digging his own grave with his mouth and changed direction, "How about we go home and I prove how much? We could go for a swim." He smiled encouragingly, swimming always ended the same way; "A hot shower after." He winked.

"You Mr Smith are incorrigible but don't think I've forgotten what we were talking about."

"How about I make you forget?" He lowered his hand to her thighs and ran his fingers up and down her inner thigh stopping just short of where he knew she would soon be feeling a pull for him.

She felt herself respond and slid the car back in to gear. When she pulled up outside their front door it was all she could do to stop herself from jumping him there and then, but mindful that Tony could disturb them they made their way indoors.

She knew he was buying himself time but the one thing she had never been able to do since that day on the beach almost 3 years ago was say no to sex with him.

They tore at each others clothing, the pool would still be there after this and they would swim and make love again but right now she needed him, and here in their hallway with her back pressed up against their front door was what she wanted.

She gasped as he entered her and held on to his bum as he pumped inside her. He wasn't absent now; he was with her in every sense of the word. Whatever was going on in his head could wait until she had soared with him. She screamed his name as she clamped around him and milked him.

He was still inside her as he carried her to the pool and they slid together in to its cool depths and then it struck him. If he could catch glimpses of *his* life was the mirror two way? Could *he* see and experience what he was doing with her? And if *he* could, could she?


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter Two

"What is it?" Asked Rose.

Not now, he wasn't going to let him or indeed her spoil this, and so he lied…

"The water is colder than I thought it would be. Come on we need to do some laps to warm up!"

With that he swam off using a fast paced front crawl. John was a better swimmer than Rose and before long she had tired of trying to catch him and instead lay on her back and floated alone with her thoughts. She glanced up as he passed her again and decided that the way he was powering up and down the pool whatever was wrong with him it couldn't possibly be serious. She knew he would grow bored of swimming before he tired and she was right he was soon by her side and trying to persuade her to chase him.

"I can't beat you so I chose to watch you tire yourself out."

"But you don't want me too tired do you?"

"I don't think there is any chance of that, you have the energy of the average 3 year old."

"But not the length of the girth" he added waggling his eyebrows.

He pulled her close to him and they trod the water together as they kissed and touched each others naked bodies. She could feel the pull for him deep inside her and they swum lazily to the steps. They were the kind that were the width of the pool and shelved gently in to the depths.

He seated himself on a step that allowed most of his body to remain under the water and she slid on to his lap as they hungrily kissed each other. She grasped his erect shaft and caressed it under the water. As he moaned in to her mouth she guided him inside her and bucked on him. The feel of him inside her and the sensation of the water caressing her skin meant that her first climax would come fast.

She shuddered as her orgasm washed over her and when the contractions faded away she moved slowly on him again until she felt him pulsate as he shot himself inside her.

Moments before he came John felt himself drift, in his minds eye he could see *him.* *He* had been bored. Just tinkering with the TARDIS until the moment of John's climax when *he* had groaned and staggered before falling on to the pilot's seat panting heavily. John knew that he wasn't ill. He knew he wasn't going mad. He had seen *him* react to his orgasm.

As he came back he heard Rose's voice calling his name. She wasn't worried; she was calling out in ecstasy as she clamped around him. He, John, was still streaming inside her and he had been panting. *He* wasn't experiencing this only he John was, and as he roared Rose's name he drew back and thrust again to take the last of her contractions.

"Shower?"

He nodded and scooped her up and carried her again to another part of the pool room.

As he carried her past the showers she turned the dial to turn the water on and as he lowered her to the floor she grabbed the shower gel and sponges. When she had poured a generous amount of the gel on to each sponge she handed him one and they began to wash each other down. They each washed their own hair and then rinsed the others free of bubbles.

When the rinsing was finished John knelt before Rose and whilst keeping his eyes on her he ran his tongue down her stomach. She shivered in anticipation; one of the delights of John was that he had retained the Doctor's stamina for sex. He could come for as long as she wanted him to and today, after the relief of hearing he wasn't gravely ill she needed to come with him until sleep claimed her.

He stroked her entrance and she bobbed down to face him and took his considerable length between her breasts. As he teased and caressed her folds she squeezed him. When she lowered her lips to taste him he slid a finger inside her and then a second as he circled her clit with a third.

"Oh God John!" She screamed aloud as he thrust his fingers deep inside her climaxing as he came all over her breasts. They rinsed each other before he picked her up and lowered her again on to his still throbbing cock. A few short thrusts later and both had orgasmed again… and only then was Rose ready to be carried to bed.

Once in bed sleep was all that was on Rose's mind and she soon fell in to deep and dreamless slumber.

John was grateful for her ability to sleep so soundly and he brushed her hair away from her face and watched her sleeping. His mind wandered to what he thought he had seen as he entered the pool. It had been *him,* and *he* had groaned and staggered as he had climaxed. John was sure the groan wasn't one of pain, as sure as he had been that he was travelling alone.

John knew what *he* would have had to do to their friend and he mused as to why he had never drifted to her. Perhaps it was because she had been wiped clean but he couldn't believe that all traces would be gone forever. Surely he'd have left her with a means to defend herself; an insurance policy just in case?

Rose sighed in her sleep and he rolled to take her in his arms. He couldn't afford to worry her any more but he had to know more about what he was seeing. She had been suggesting he take up a hobby and had even jokingly suggested meditation. Well he'd pretend to explore that. It would afford him time alone to use to explore what was happening inside his head.

With that resolved in his mind he allowed himself to drop away and in to sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

His dreams had become more and more intense as the night had gone on. He hadn't woken Rose but when he had dreamt that he was battling Cybermen with a sword he had got up and taken himself to the spare room.

He was lying in the spare bed now trying unsuccessfully to control his breathing. He wondered if Tony had left one of his blue inhalers anywhere nearby and decided to investigate the bathroom medicine cupboard.

The cupboard was locked and for several seconds he battled with the key before gaining access. An inhaler was there and he sucked on it gratefully. The calming influence of the drug was almost immediate and he replaced the cover and positioned the inhaler exactly as he had found it; he didn't want Rose troubled any further than she already had been and he decided to tell her, if she asked, that she had been restless while sleeping and that was why he had taken himself to the spare room.

He let his mind drift again as he dropped down in to sleep. He knew exactly what he was doing and he knew that it was possibly dangerous but he had to see more of what he had seen before waking up and as he was alone he felt sure he wouldn't be a danger to his sleeping wife.

John dreamt of a man who believed he was a Time Lord, Jackson believed he was *him.* He had suffered two terrible losses causing a fugue state to exist and had assumed the Doctor's mantle. He had a companion named Rosetta and a tethered hot air balloon that he described as his TARDIS. When *he* had been able to awaken the memories of Caroline to Jackson and return his son Frederick to him *he* had dispatched Mercy, the woman in the red dress who seemed strangely familiar. Did John know her? Too much! He woke up sweating and with a cry dying in his throat.

He lay completely still and listened carefully. Through a crack in the curtains he could see that it was just getting light. Listening again he could hear that the heating had automatically come on meaning it was after 6am and then he heard Rose's alarm clock. Neither of them worked in the traditional sense of the word. They both helped out in this world's version of Torchwood, but Pete and Jackie wouldn't allow Rose to be placed in danger and his expertise was only rarely called upon. If a creature they didn't know the name of fell to Earth he was consulted for the memories of *him* that he held.

Rose's alarm was set so that she could help her Mother get Tony up and off to pre school for the morning. She would then sometimes go in to town with Jackie and do some shopping before picking Tony up and then they'd usually all enjoy lunch together before he and Rose would slip off back to their wing and their private little world.

He heard her pad to the bathroom and after the flush he heard a gentle knock on the bedroom door. He didn't answer and when she quietly opened the door he feigned sleep. He actually was still tired and he didn't want to answer any questions right now. He heard her walk across the room and felt her lips on his forehead before she re crossed the room and almost silently closed the door behind her.

This time when he dropped back in to sleep he hoped for less disturbing dreams. It would seem he could exploit the link at will but for now he actually wanted some restful sleep.

He didn't get it. This time it wasn't dangerous but when he woke he felt drained. After he had descended in Jackson's TARDIS he had been treated as a hero might be. When finally he had managed to slip away Jackson had followed him and questioned why he was now alone. He had told Jackson that he had to be and he had mentioned what had happened to Rose, Martha and poor Donna. What he had had to do to her gave John pain as well, and he felt his single human heart might crack when he had heard the words,

*They break my heart.*

Jackson had insisted *he* join them for Christmas dinner and while *he* shared the mans obvious delight at being reunited with his son; it only served to highlight even more keenly what he had once again lost.

He had slipped away unseen and John woke with the painful memory of *him* standing alone again in the TARDIS.

He lay alone in the bed and felt tears prick at his eyes; scrubbing at them angrily he decided to get up straight away and at least appear normal when Rose got home at lunch time; she mustn't suspect what he was up to; he had no idea what possible reason he could give her to explain what he was attempting. It was just something he needed to exploit. The connection was there, and might even be two ways, but if he could keep his mind alert then *he* wouldn't be able to see what John didn't want to share.

After showering and shaving he dressed and went downstairs to wait for the sound of Jackie's car on the gravelled driveway. He didn't have long to wait and as he had skipped breakfast he went out their front door to meet them and help unload the car straight in to Jackie and Pete's kitchen.

Rose greeted him with,

"Hey sleepy head, you took yourself to the spare room."

"You were like a windmill last night, arms and legs everywhere. I gave up trying to sleep in our bed when you kicked me somewhere a little delicate."

"I'm sorry, but I don't like waking up alone, it's a bit sad."

John was once again reminded of how alone *he* was but he pushed the thought aside as he kissed his beautiful wife before saying,

"Come on I'm starving let's go and have lunch, is Tony inside?"

Rose laughed,

"Yes he is and he has some paintings to show you."

They linked arms and went back in to Jackie's kitchen for lunch and family time.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

It was late in the day and John and Rose were simply lying on the sofa together watching television. It was some reality programmed that Rose enjoyed and John indulged because he loved Rose. He wasn't paying attention and although he was awake he had his eyes closed. Rose was leaning against him, her back on his chest so she had no idea he wasn't watching and when she spoke to him he would murmur his agreement with whatever she said.

He was drifting, he could hear the television but it was as if it was in another room and then he could hear it again, as if it were in stereo. He opened his eyes and looked, the stereo effect immediately dropped away. He planted a kiss in Rose's hair before closing his eyes and relaxing again.

Almost immediately he could hear two televisions again and when he concentrated a woman's voice. A shrill voice. It was criticising.

"It's time you got a proper job, how you and Sean hope to manage financially is beyond me." And then a man's voice, a much calmer voice,

"Oh leave her alone Sylvia, how they manage is up to them." And then a voice that jolted him out of his reverie,

"Yeah thanks Gramps, we'll manage, we've done the sums and we don't need much it's just the two of us after all."

He physically jumped and almost pushed Rose off himself.

"Hey! What's up? Did you fall asleep?"

He shook his head,

"No no I'm sorry I just felt as if someone walked over my grave…" He was fishing for an explanation, "A kind of shiver?"

"Well you leapt about 6ft in the air!"

"I think I might take a walk."

"John are you alright? It's almost 11 o clock. Wouldn't you do better going to bed?"

"Yeah OK, that might be better. Are you coming up?"

"I'll stay and finish this; I'll be up soon though."

"OK I might be asleep. I'm suddenly tired."

Rose frowned,

"Are you sure you are alright John?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. I'm just a bit tired. I'll have a quick shower and get some sleep."

A few short minutes later he pulled on a pair of boxers and after drying his hair one more time on a towel he lowered himself in to bed. He was still shaken. He could see her too… but then maybe that made sense; it had taken both of them to make him. *He* and Donna were in a way his parents. He chuckled to himself as he remembered Donna asking *him,* "You want to mate?" And her subsequent, "You're a long streak of alien nothing." He fancied he could hear her in his head now laughing with him. Oh he missed her, not the way *he* had missed Rose but he missed her caring ways and he wondered how she was faring now back as she had been before she had met *him.* Would she be back to seeing herself as insignificant and railing against the world anyway? Or could *he* have left something of *himself* in her?

He shook his head slightly and tried to get comfortable. He really was tired. His dreams hadn't been his own for several weeks now and as much as that was his fault he could do with an uninterrupted night of sleep.

He wasn't sure how to achieve that. When he let his mind go blank and drift when he was awake that let them in maybe now he needed to keep his mind busy with a mundane task… Counting sheep! That should do it! He settled himself again and started counting… 1 2 3… He felt his body sink in to the mattress, he really was very tired… 4 5 6 … he was dropping away… 7 8 9…

He didn't hear Rose come upstairs or feel her slide in to bed next to him and spoon up to his back. For several hours he slept deeply and well and then he saw it. A bus on a desert planet.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter Five

It wasn't just any bus though. It was massively damaged and its wheels were comprehensively buried in sand and although it looked like an ordinary desert in maybe Dubai the sky had 2 suns shining brightly in it and it was hot.

In his sleep John pushed down his covers as *he* shrugged off his tan coat. John murmured in his sleep, he was talking of flies and a swarm. Rose, who had woken as the covers were pulled off her whispered some soothing words to him as she re covered them both before sinking back in to a deep sleep.

He was so very hot and running. Why would he run in that heat? And who was the young woman dressed all in black? He kept running and only when *he* turned and looked back did he see what they were running from; a swarm, but it was like no swarm John had ever seen or ever watched in any natural science programming.

*He* urged the woman on and then they were on the bus. She kissed *him* and John tasted her on his lips and then the bus was flying!

John sat bolt upright and stifled the cry of alarm in his throat.

Turning to look at Rose he smiled; grateful that she was sleeping. He felt himself firm and erect and guiltily remembered the woman kissing *him.*

As he slipped out of bed he kicked off his sweaty boxers and after opening the window he gulped in the cool air; shivering as the cold cooled his sweat slick skin. It had been so hot on that planet.

Running a hand through his hair he sighed deeply. So many bad memories led to so many bad dreams but the desire to see what was happening to that man was compelling.

He jumped as he felt a hand on his shoulder and a second on his bum.

"Bad dreams?"

He nodded.

"Let me help you banish them" Rose said as she led him back to bed.

He still felt guilty but maybe he could assuage his guilt this way. Rose lowered her hand to his shaft as she stood pressed to him before their bed. Raising an eyebrow questioningly she stroked along his length. He shrugged and took her in to an embrace he deepened with a slow kiss.

He manoeuvred Rose until he could lower her gently to the mattress and he followed her down. Rose had on a pair of short pyjamas and he ran his hand down her body and under the waistband of her shorts. She raised her bum off the bed as he eased them down before turning his attention to her curls.

Rose entwined her fingers in his thick locks and worked his tongue with her own, she gasped as he teased her apart with his fingers and found and stroked her clit. Her hands flew to the sheets which she balled in her fists as he slipped first one and then a second and third finger inside her. Tearing her mouth from his she grunted

"Harder" at him.

He obliged her. It was the least he could do after waking with a rock hard erection following a dream where another woman had kissed his alter ego. He watched her as she bucked against him and held her as her body shuddered as she clamped around his fingers flushing as her orgasm rushed through her body.

When she was at last still he withdrew his fingers and impaled her with his shaft. He alternated short strokes with long until she was begging him to come for her. He held himself back as long as he could. He knew he was atoning for a kiss he had not received but *he* had and *he* had enjoyed it. That knowledge was enough to make John hold himself in check until the woman he and that other man loved had been shattered in to a million pieces time and time again; until she was gasping for air and screaming for him to erupt inside her.

When at last he could hold his seed no longer he thrust deeper and groaned as she raised her legs around him holding him in place as he poured every drop of himself inside her. Rose lowered her legs and whispered to him,

"Feeling better?"

He nodded. He simply didn't have the breath in him to speak and it was several seconds before Rose's breathing was steady enough to allow her to speak again,

"What were you dreaming about?"

"I… I don't remember." He was lying and flushed guiltily but despite the curtains still being drawn back it was too dark for Rose to observe his shame.

"You mentioned a fly or maybe a swarm of flies, I can't remember now either. Dreams are so fleeting… but it's gone now John. It's just you and me here now." She yawned and he whispered to her,

"I'm fine, go back to sleep we can get cleaned up in the morning."

She yawned again and nodded sleepily before turning her body away from him. He knew that after making love she liked to be held with him spooned up to her and he held her and listened to her breathing deepen and even out as she dropped away in to sleep.

He wasn't far behind her but something made him open his eyes and what he saw almost made him cry out in alarm, but the figure raised her fingers to her lips and shushed him.

"Now now Spaceman, we don't want to wake her do we? That was quite a performance you put on for her. But if a brunette kissing *him* can do that to you imagine how a redhead kissing YOU would make you feel.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

John slipped out of bed and realising he was naked grabbed his robe to hide his shame. He moved quietly to the bathroom and shut and bolted the door firmly behind him before leaning against it.

He was dreaming he had to be. Donna had never fancied him. In fact she'd called him a long streak of alien nothing. Ah but that wasn't him, that had been *him.* But he was *him* so she couldn't fancy him if she hadn't fancied *him* could she?

"Ow, this is making my head hurt."

He cleaned himself and felt a twinge of guilt that he had allowed Rose to go back to sleep without seeing to her, but that was what she had wanted. After splashing his face with water he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He looked tired. His eyes were bloodshot and had dark grey bags under them but every time he closed his eyes she was there or at least something red was. Was it her or something else? And why did he fear Donna? Sure she had been feisty, even hard work at first but she'd simmered down when she had seen what he actually did. No what *he* actually did.

"Tea, you need a cup of tea mate. Heals the synapses."

He tightened the draw cord around his narrow waist and padded silently downstairs. He flicked the kitchen lights on and peered inside. An empty room, she'd gone. He felt a pang of regret that he hadn't spoken to her, but he knew from the snippets of her life that he had seen that she was happy… getting on with her life… having a good life even. The last thing she needed was to be showing up in is dreams as some flame haired temptress.

He made his tea and seated himself at the kitchen table to drink it. It felt good; the scalding liquid burned down his throat and warmed his stomach. When his mug was empty he pushed it away from him and lowered his head on to his arms. He'd just rest here a while before going on back up to bed.

A red vista lay before him. He was still dressed in his robe and nothing else and he pulled it tighter around himself, "Very Arthur Dent" he mused aloud. He was bare footed and he carefully picked his way over this strange rock strewn but eerily familiar scene.

This was Mars or at least Mars as it was always depicted in films and by those rover probes that had made it there, Spirit, Opportunity and Phoenix. Spirit had sampled chemical compounds containing water molecules and Phoenix had sampled ice water in the shallow Martian soil.

John smiled. Martian, that was what Donna had referred to *him* as the first time they had met and *he* had eventually told her, "Donna, I'm not, I'm not from Mars." Why was he still thinking of her? It was this place, all the red.

He carried on making his way across the alien landscape until he saw it; a base! That can't be right! There are no bases on Mars, that's years away! But there before his eyes was a base. It had a large central dome with arms coming out of it forming a circle. At the tip of one of the arms was what looked like a child's drawing of a rocket ship with its nose pointed proudly towards the strange alien sky.

John ducked behind a convenient large rock as he saw *him.* *He* was being frog marched across the planet by something that looked like one of those machines from that film Short Circuit. He and Rose had watched it together when they were first getting acquainted. She had called it "filling in the gaps of his cinema knowledge" so he would blend in as an adult human male and now he was watching his other self being held at gunpoint by this machine like thing.

John didn't follow, he could see what was going on without needing to follow, and he could even hear what was being said. They were inside now and *he* was meeting people. People who couldn't believe another man was there.

No this wasn't good something was going wrong. People were being changed in to monsters with cracked mouths and white eyes. Water was pouring out of them, water that if it touched you… you became like them. What was *he* doing? *He* was leaving? What had *he* called it? A fixed point in time?

A fixed point in time. John knew what those words meant. Whatever was about to happen here HAD to happen. *He* knew that and that was why *he* was walking away.

What was *he* doing? *He* had turned around *he* was going back! John stood up and screamed, he jumped, and he waved his hands in the air,

"NO DOCTOR! NO YOU HAVE TO KEEP GOING! LEAVE THEM! DOCTOR LEAVE THEM!"

*He* didn't stop, *he* hadn't heard John.

Back in the kitchen John was still sleeping but his cries had woken Rose. She was now stood on the floor beside him and shaking his shoulders but she couldn't wake him.

John stood helplessly by; his hands had fallen uselessly to his sides. He watched as the machine raced across the red soil towards the old, battered, wooden, blue box.

"The TARDIS" breathed John; gasping as it dematerialised and then materialised in his minds eye back in the now ruined base.

*He'd* saved them, three of them who should have died that day; Adelaide Brooke, Yuri Kerenski and Mia Bennett. What had *he* done?

"NO NO NO!"

The words had torn from his throat as he had jerked awake.

"John! What is it? John tell me!"

It was Rose, his own dear sweet Rose, he'd woken her again. He fell on her sobbing, he couldn't tell her this! Not now! What had *he* done? John felt sure he'd just watched the beginning of *his* end; and just as *he* shouldn't have changed those three humans destinies he couldn't tell Rose what this meant for *him.*

He raised his head and rested it on Rose's shoulder. She was hugging him tight to her and rubbing his back up and down in an effort to soothe him but she had to let go when he stood bolt upright and stared at the far corner of their kitchen.

John had gone as white as a sheet. His eyes were fixed and unblinking. Ood Sigma. Ood Sigma was in his kitchen. That could mean only one thing. The timeline was already written. There was nothing he or anyone else could do to stop it.

*He* had said it *himself* on Mars, someone would knock four times and *he* would die.

John's legs gave way as his eyes rolled up in to his head. Rose managed to move forwards and fell with him as she caught him. She checked him carefully; he was breathing, he had a strong and regular pulse and he was warm. She cradled his head in her lap and waited for him to come back to her.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter Seven

Several minutes passed and she was still the same tangle of limbs cradling him. She kept obsessively checking and re checking his pulse and breathing. Both were strong and regular.

Rose was scared. She couldn't remember being this scared when she had been with the Doctor. What the hell was happening to her John? The doctor's didn't seem to know and THAT had been no absence seizure. He'd been staring at something in terror, horror even. He had been fully aware of what he was seeing and it had caused his current state of collapse. Whatever he had seen his brain had gone in to damage limitation mode and made him pass out.

As she brushed the hair from his closed eyes her mind turned to what she had heard that had woken her. She couldn't remember properly but he had been shouting and he had definitely said "The TARDIS" and he had screamed "No" three times as he'd woken up. Was it just a dream? But he had been very awake when he had stood in the kitchen and then dropped to the floor. He hadn't thrashed about at all so it couldn't be described as a traditional seizure and she was sure it wasn't anything to do with an absence.

A low moan brought her back to the present.

"John?"

He moaned once more and his brow furrowed.

"Are you in pain? John talk to me!"

Rose sounded worried thought John guiltily, but for the moment he didn't want to open his eyes. Where was he? A cold hard surface, he stretched a hand out and felt a tiled floor. The pool room? No that hadn't been tonight he was in the kitchen. It came flooding back and he gasped as his eyes shot open. Donna, Mars and Ood Sigma.

"John! Oh thank God." She gathered him in her arms and hugged him to her.

"What happened?" He murmured.

"I don't know. You were dreaming and I heard you, you were calling out. I don't remember the words that woke me but you definitely said TARDIS and No more than once and then you stood up and stared at something in that corner," she pointed to a corner of their kitchen, "And then I think you fainted. I sort of caught you well I ended up here just underneath you anyway."

He shifted position to try and sit up but was forced back down by a wave of nausea, he gagged and retched and rolled on to his side.

"Stay here. I'm just gonna get a bowl and a wash cloth OK?"

His only response was another low moan. He felt awful but he couldn't tell her why. He thought his physical reaction was one of shock but he could hardly tell Rose he was in shock after seeing *him* change a fixed point in time could he?

What had *he* been thinking? God this floor was hard and cold. Where was Rose?

"Rose..?"

"Right here" she dropped to his side and slipped a cushion under his head and wiped his face with a cool wash cloth. She placed a small bowl next to him and pressed a plastic tumbler of cold water to his lips. He sipped gratefully and with Rose's help he got himself in to a seated position with his back leaning against a cupboard.

"Better?"

"Thank you, can I have more water?"

"Sure, just don't puke it back on me."

"I'll try not to."

When he had drunk again he let his head drop forwards with his chin on his chest. Rose observed him; he looked like shit still. Pale, sweaty and shaking. She placed a hand on his forehead before speaking,

"I don't care what you say I am calling Dr Vince out to you today."

"I don't need a doctor."

"I disagree. John you fainted and we should try and find out why."

"A bad dream, nothing more."

"Bad dreams don't make an otherwise healthy person faint John."

"I don't need a doctor."

"Well what do you need?"

"Sleep."

"And every time you sleep you have bad dreams."

"Not every time."

"Often enough. John please, humour me I'm scared."

He sighed and repeated himself,

"I don't need a doctor but if it means you'll stop worrying…"

"Thank you, I think you need a blood test, maybe you're anemic or…"

"I'm not anemic I'm just tired."

"Well some sleeping tablets then! Something to keep you properly asleep."

"Yeah that would be right, tablets for a normal human function…"

"Don't John; lots of people need help sleeping."

"I'm too tired to argue with you. Rose I feel awful."

"Do you think you can make it back to bed if I help you? I can call Mum and Dad."

"No let's not bother them; I'm sure that together we can make it."

"Slowly then John."

Very slowly he crawled to the kitchen table and with Rose's help he hauled himself upright. The room swam momentarily but he shook his head to clear it and by leaning on Rose he was able to make a slow progress to their bedroom. Eventually she had him in bed and after fussing around him she finally left him alone to sleep.

He didn't sleep but each time Rose checked on him he pretended to be sound asleep. She had left a beaker of water on his bedside table and had propped a note by it which read,

*Dr Vince will come around after his morning surgery.

Love you and go back to sleep, Rose.*

Eventually he decided to stop fighting what he had seen and accept it. *He* had changed a fixed point in time. No one should do that and there would be terrible consequences. If Ood Sigma had appeared to him then he had also appeared to *him.* Did that mean that when *he* regenerated he John would die?

They were linked. They were the same… but he John couldn't regenerate. Surely he'd die… Rose would lose him again. They had just decided to try for a family but could he carry on with that knowing that if she conceived she'd be condemned to bring up his child alone?

"Jackie did it."

"Donna?"

"Yes it's me and anyway how do you know you will die when *he* changes?"

"You can read my mind?"

"When your thoughts are as clear as that and if I concentrate yes I can."

"If *he* changes I will die."

"You don't know that."

"I can't make a baby with Rose."

"For all you know you already have."

"Have I?"

"I don't know but you have no right to deny what she wants because you might die. Anyone might die at any time. There are no guarantees in a human life."

"You're right and I can't very well stop now without alerting her."

"John, tell her. You need to tell her. Tell her before the doctor gets here."

John was alarmed and spoke loudly and angrily,

"*He's* coming here?"

"No no," soothed Donna, "Your doctor with a little d, Dr Vince. Rose is coming John she heard you call out. Tell her."

Donna was right, he could hear Rose on the stairs and as Donna faded away she mouthed the words "Tell her" to him.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight

Rose was climbing the stairs two at a time, she'd heard him shout out again and she was scared that he was dreaming again.

"John! John it's OK I'm coming."

She burst in to the room and John spoke first,

"Rose I'm OK, I'm alright look at me."

She did just that.

"You're still pale."

"Just tired I promise but I need to speak to you and I need you to promise me four things first."

"Yes?" Asked Rose cautiously.

"I need you to promise you'll hear me out, that you'll believe me and that you won't get cross or have me sectioned."

"I'll try. Well listen I promise I'll listen and I'll believe you and I won't have you sectioned but it depends what you tell me as to whether or not I get cross."

"In that case I need you to promise you'll forgive me."

"John you're scaring me."

"And I don't mean to but what I have to tell you might frighten you."

"John are you sick?"

"No. I really don't think so. Just let me tell you."

Rose nodded and after John patted the edge of the bed she perched on it and waited for him to begin.

He started.

"Rose I promise you when it began I didn't know what it was, I saw *him* just flashes, glimpses of *his* life. I didn't tell you because I was scared and I didn't want you to be afraid or…jealous."

She bristled at his use of the word jealous but she had promised to hear him out and hear him out she would.

"Then I realised he could see us, well me at least."

Rose opened her mouth and closed it again, she had promised to listen.

"It was in the pool, when we made love on the steps?"

Rose nodded.

"*He* reacted when I came, he felt me. I can't explain it but he groaned and staggered back in to the pilot's seat and Rose he was panting."

She had to ask,

"Was *he* alone?"

John nodded and leant forwards to brush the single tear that was tracking down Rose's face away.

"I'm sorry" he whispered to her. "*He's* not always alone. I saw *him* battling Cybermen with a man named Jackson; *he* had Christmas dinner with him… And I saw *him* on a planet with a bus and a woman called Christina, she kissed *him,* I… I felt that."

"Did *he* enjoy it?"

"I think *he* was shocked."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"No! No and this is exactly why I didn't want to tell you… but there's more and Donna said I had to tell you."

"Donna?"

"Donna, I can see her too. Just occasionally and not in much detail. She's happy Rose, she's getting married to Sean and her Granddad is still with her… and her Mum."

"Can she see us too?"

"I think so… sometimes."

"Rose this is hard for me to tell you and I don't know what will happen but she said I have to tell you. I saw the Doctor on Mars… *he* changed something."

"*He* was always changing things."

"No Rose *he* changed a fixed point in time."

Her hand flew to her mouth and she gave an involuntary gasp,

"*He* can't do that!"

"*He* has, it's done and Ood Sigma visited *him* and me…."

"That means…"

"*He* will die, well change, regenerate. But I can't change Rose."

"You'll die?" Another tear slid down her face.

"I don't know. I genuinely don't know, but I am *him* and *he* is me, if *he* changes… I can't change. I... I just don't know."

"*He* wouldn't… *he* wouldn't let that happen, you said… you said we'd grow old together. You promised! Donna said, *he* said… you promised!"

Rose collapsed sobbing and John pulled her to him and rocked her as she wept.

"I can't lose you. I can't not now, what if?" She patted her stomach and wailed, "It's not fair! You promised!"

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I'll try not to die and we may not even be pregnant."

"John I'm late, only just but I'm late. I can't lose you not again… You promised!" Rose knew she was being irrational; it wasn't as if John would choose to die and leave her.

John cupped her face in both of his hands,

"Rose listen to me. I just don't know. Maybe it will be OK; maybe Ood Sigma was just warning *him.* But I promise I will try not to die!"

Rose laughed weakly,

"You look so earnest."

"I am!"

"Well if you do die I'll be so mad at you I won't speak to you ever again!"

It was John's turn to weakly laugh and then he spoke again,

"You're late?"

Rose nodded,

"Just two days but yes I'm late."

"Dr Vince will be here soon."

"He will be what shall we tell him now?"

"Let him come and check me over, maybe take some blood. I don't think it's necessary but it won't hurt for me to have a physical… under the circumstances."

"Under the circumstances…"

When the doctor arrived he gave John a very thorough examination and had him do several tests on the spot. He could find nothing wrong and had him provide urine and blood samples for analysis at the lab and just advised rest until he had the results in a few days time.

When she had seen the doctor out Rose returned to John.

"You heard what he said; rest."

"He couldn't find anything wrong with me. He said I was fit and healthy."

"He took blood and pee away with him John. Let's wait until we have those results eh?"

"You're the one who's late. You need to pee on a stick Rose."

"If I'm still late in a couple of days I'll pick up a test… promise."

"Late; I can't tell you how happy that would make me."


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine

The next few days passed without incident. The only absences John had were short and he told Rose what he had seen as soon as he had seen it.

Donna was excitedly preparing for a second wedding and the Doctor had got married himself to Queen Elizabeth I and then run out on her. The last John had seen was the Doctor in his suit with a sun hat on and a lei around his neck.

He and Rose both relaxed and agreed that Ood Sigma had just been warning him and nothing more, reminding him that even with the Time Lords gone there was a race keeping a watch on time.

When Rose's period failed to show up she agreed to slip in to town alone and pick up a test. Arriving back at the mansion she again side stepped her Mother's questions as to how John was and entered their private wing locking the door behind her.

John was waiting for her in their kitchen.

"I just made a cuppa would you like one?"

"Yes please but just let me go and pee on this."

John beamed at her.

"You do know it could just as easily be false. I haven't been sick or even felt unwell."

"I know but you can't beat me up for hoping."

She returned a minute later with the stick which she placed carefully on the kitchen table before sitting down to drink her tea. John was fidgeting and finally exploded,

"How can you be so calm?"

"Practice."

"You've done this before?"

"Nope but I've lived with you for over three years."

"Rose, just check it!"

She put down her mug and casually glanced at the pregnancy test. Her heart leapt when she saw the two blue lines and she silently passed it to John.

"This means?"

"We did it! I'm pregnant!"

"We did?"

She nodded excitedly,

"We did!"

"Oh Rose." John stood up and dragged her to a standing position before pulling her to him and holding her close. He lowered his head and kissed her as hard and as passionately as he ever had.

"Oh God does this mean we can't…?"

"No John it doesn't mean anything of the sort."

"Oh good, cos I kinda want to now."

"I can tell!" laughed Rose reaching down to rub his erection through his trousers.

"Would you like to help me with this?"

"Oh yes."

At that moment John's mobile sounded and he broke away to answer it. When he hung up he moved back to Rose,

"That was Dr Vince and now we have two reasons to celebrate. My pee and blood are perfect and your pee has hormones in it! Could this day get any better?"

"I can think of a way." replied Rose running her hands up and under his t shirt. She found his nipples and teased them with her finger nails before pulling the shirt up and over his head. He did the same to her and unhooked her bra before scooping her up in his arms and burying his face in her chest.

She clung to him with her arms around his neck and threw her head back as he tongued and bit her nipples. He sat her on the edge of the table and fumbled with his jeans and boxers before allowing them both to fall to the floor. Rose had removed her jeans and as he moved towards her he swept aside her panties before pressing himself against her as he kissed her urgently. He felt alive and energised and he needed to be inside her; he wanted to make he scream and forget there had ever been another who looked like him.

For herself Rose wanted nothing more than to have John ram himself home inside her. All the uncertainties of the last few days had taken their toll on her psyche but now they had the news that he was as fit and healthy as he looked and his seed was growing inside her; there was nothing that could take away this feeling and as he rocked against her she moved forwards and opened her legs wider to welcome him home.

Effortlessly he slipped inside her and she rocked with him until he withdrew and picked her up. He lowered her to the floor and gently turned her to face the table. She understood and bent over gasping as he impaled her from behind.

He was thrusting hard and fast and each time he thrust inside her she pushed against him. Her breasts were slapping the table top hard and she held on to the sides of the table to brace herself and then she heard herself call out his name as her muscles spiraled around him. He was seconds behind her and she felt him jerk and shudder as he poured his hot seed inside her.

When he was finished he leant over her back breathing heavily and nibbled on her lobe as he caressed her nipples. She felt her muscles tighten around him again and heard him gasp as she rippled along his length groaning deep in her throat as she shuddered to a second deep orgasm.

"Twice." He breathed in her ear.

"Must be the hormones." she whispered back.

He picked her up and carried her up to their bed.

"Time to nap Mummy."

"Mmm," she was sleepy but she wanted him to stay with her, "Only if you join me Daddy."

"I can manage that."

As always Rose wanted him to spoon with her as she dropped away in to sleep. He hadn't realised how tired he was until he had lain down with her. The stress of the last few days seemed to melt away and he too relaxed in to sleep.

John was dreaming. *He* had been on holiday, *he* had journeyed across a great many pleasure planets and now *he* set the co ordinates for one more. It wasn't until *he* put on *his* sunglasses and stepped outside that *he* saw *he* was on a world of snow and ice.

John jerked awake waking Rose too as he was tangled up in her arms. He was breathing heavily and was once again pale and shaking.

"John what is it?"

"Oodsphere; *he's* on the Oodsphere."


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten

"What does that mean?"

"I don't know but first Ood Sigma and now *he's* on their planet… I'm scared. Rose what if I'm right? You're pregnant what if…?" He stopped unable to voice the question that had died on his lips and yet still hung in the air between them.

"But John you just got a clean bill of health. Dr Vince says you are as fit as a fiddle and aside from some sleep issues you look perfect to me." She hugged him close to her, she knew he was afraid to leave her and she was scared too but for now she had to be strong for him and for herself. If she gave way to the idea he'd be leaving her soon to do what her Mother had done… and bring up their child alone she didn't know what she would do. To put it simply she wasn't prepared to go there.

"What time is it?"

Rose checked her watch,

"Time we should get up. It's after lunch time and Tony will be home. We'll have something to eat and then go and see him and Mum and Dad."

"Do you want to tell them about the baby?"

"No, let's keep that to ourselves for a bit at least until I've had it confirmed by a doctor and a scan."

He nodded and stood up,

"Did we leave our clothes…?"

"Downstairs? Yes we did."

"I'll just run down and get dressed and bring yours back up to you."

"Put the kettle on" she called after him and rolled on to her back. Why did *he* have to spoil everything now? She was carrying John's child. Why now?

And then she thought again. Wouldn't *he* have thought of this? After all *he* knew *he* would change eventually and knowing how *he* got *himself* in to trouble *he* had to know that would likely be before anything untoward would happen to John. *He* hadn't disagreed when John had said they could grow old together and neither had Donna and she had everything in her head that the two men had as well.

Was John worrying about nothing? Was she scaring herself for nothing?

Downstairs John was thinking similar thoughts. Surely *he'd* have taken care of this. But *he* hadn't know the metacrisis had even taken place until John had shown up on Davros' vessel so how could *he* take care of it? *He'd* left almost immediately afterwards and knowing what John knew of Donna now he knew *he* had taken care of her. But not him.

If it was just him it wouldn't matter… was it time to leave? Walk away from Rose and the baby? Hurt her now to avoid hurting her more later? But what if he was wrong and nothing happened? What then? He'd have left the woman he loved and his child for nothing and he would have destroyed Rose for nothing. She'd hate him. He couldn't do that but…

He was jolted out of his reverie by Rose joining him in the kitchen. She had put on her robe as he still hadn't bought her clothes up to her. He was half dressed and shivered as he quickly pulled on his t shirt.

"What are you doing John?"

"I was just thinking, just thinking…"

"About?"

"Oh nothing much. You wanted the kettle on didn't you?"

"Yes please, I'll just go and get dressed, be right back."

John turned and flicked the switch and it was then that he felt it a punch to his chest, dead centre. He gasped winded and fell on to a chair at the table,

"What the…?"

It happened again knocking him off the chair and to the floor. He had no breath to call for help and simply lay on his front gasping for breath. Was this it? Already? He didn't want to die alone and he managed to drag himself to the foot of the stairs. He began pulling himself up and called weakly to Rose. Then he heard a drum beat, four beats over and over like a double heart beat. The beat was replaced by gunfire; bullets seemed to be whipping through the air around him. He covered his head with his hands and called out as loudly as he could to Rose,

"RUN!" Before he slid back down the stairs on his stomach and landed in an unconscious heap at the bottom.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter Eleven

"John what's wrong? Run from what?"

When she received no reply Rose pulled on her jeans and moved to the head of the stairs.

"John!"

She raced down the stairs and felt for his pulse on his neck. It was reassuringly strong and regular but he was still lying in a heap at the foot of the stairs. Had he fallen? Should she try and move him? No, if he had fallen he might have hurt himself. She was about to use her mobile to dial her Mum for help when he groaned.

"John! I'm here can you hear me?"

"Mmmm… Where am I?"

"At home John, I think you fell down the stairs." He moved his legs, "No don't try and move just yet. I want to make sure nothing is broken. Does anywhere hurt?"

"Just my chest."

"I'm scared to move you in case I hurt you. You'll have to do it yourself, can you roll over?"

He pushed himself up on an arm and turned himself over.

"That's good; I don't think you've broken anything. Where exactly does your chest hurt?"

He pointed dead centre and said,

"Here."

"Does it hurt to breathe?"

"No it just hurts, like I've been punched."

"Let me look." She rolled his shirt up over his toned stomach until she had exposed his entire chest. Her eyes went wide when she saw the mark.

"What is it?"

"You've a large, red circle, it looks almost scorched. Touch it."

Gingerly John felt his chest and winced before pulling his hand away.

"It's warmer than the rest of me, not hot and it's sore like sunburn. Let me sit up."

Rose helped him to sit with his back against the wall. He looked down and gently prodded the edges of the circle.

"Did anything happen John? You were in the kitchen how did you get here?"

"I remember flicking the kettle on and then… Yes! It felt as if something hit me, it knocked the wind out of me and then it did it again. I couldn't call you I had no breath… like I was winded."

"Go on."

"I got scared. I couldn't breathe and something was hitting me. Rose I got scared."

"You thought…?"

"I don't know what I thought but I got scared and I didn't want to… be alone." He had been about to say die alone but changed the words at the last second. "I dragged myself to the stairs."

"You didn't call me?"

"I tried, but there was a drum beat, four beats in my head over and over and then bullets… I screamed at you to run after that I don't remember."

"Bullets?"

He nodded,

"Lots of bullets and then I don't remember… until just now."

"Can you stand up?"

"I think so" he put his hand out and Rose stood first and helped him up.

"Back to the kitchen eh? Cup of tea and a sandwich? We were gong to have lunch do you remember?"

"Yeah, yeah I do and tea is good for..."

"… healing the synapses, yeah I remember." Rose smiled encouragingly at him as they walked slowly to the kitchen. When John was seated at the table she bustled about getting tea and sandwiches ready. She set John's in front of him and sat down opposite him and watched as he picked at his lunch.

"I think maybe we should stay here today. I'll call Mum yeah?"

"Maybe for the best. I'm tired."

"You could have a lay down after you've eaten, are you sure you didn't bump your head?"

"Nowhere feels sore, except for here," he lifted his t shirt up.

"The marks gone."

"It's not warm any more either."

"That's just weird."

"I can't explain it. I can't explain any of it I just want it to stop… whatever that may mean…"

"Tell me what you were thinking about earlier John; I don't think now is the time for secrets."

"You have to promise that you won't hate me."

"John I could no more hate you than hate what I am growing inside me. Tell me."

John sighed heavily. Of course Rose was right, she usually was, now was definitely not the time for secrets. Now was that time to tell her everything he ever wanted to in case he didn't get the chance to later.

"You have to understand that what I was thinking was how to spare you pain. It occurred to me that if I were to go now, leave and not come back you'd get over me and move on. Live your life and make it a good one for you and the baby. Jackie did it so I knew she'd help you. That way you wouldn't have to see me die or bury and mourn me and if by some stroke of luck I were to live long enough to see the baby, well, that way he or she wouldn't miss me either because I'd never have seen…" He broke off on a sob unable to continue.

Rose too had tears rolling down her cheeks and she gathered John to her and rocked with him as he sobbed in to her shoulder. When she could finally speak she spoke in to his hair,

"Don't you dare, just don't you dare. We don't even know what's happening or even what will happen when *his* time comes. I'm not letting you out of my sight… whatever happens we will face this together; you have to make me your own promise. Promise me you'll never think like that again."

He hiccupped softly and swallowed several times before replying to her entreaties,

"I promise. I'm sorry I'm just so scared. I swear show me an army of Daleks, Cybermen, whatever… that would be easy compared to the thought of ever leaving you."

Rose held him until his body stopped shaking and he grew heavy in her arms as he relaxed.

"You're tired. Let's go and lie down."

He nodded and stood up with her and allowed her to guide him to bed. She lay with him and held him as he relaxed in to sleep. When she was sure he was deeply asleep she rolled away from him and made a call to her Mother simply saying they were taking some time out together. That done she switched off her phone and rolled back towards him and his warmth.

If what he had seen was accurate then it sounded as if the planet needed its defender; all that she needed was sleeping next to her and today of all days she wasn't leaving his side.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter Twelve

John slept deeply. His body felt as if it had been battered and his mind needed the peace that only sleep can afford.

Rose woke just an hour later and watched him sleep. They had moved as they slept and now he was lying on his back with one arm across his chest and the other thrown above his head, a hand brushed his cheek. He looked peaceful but Rose was only too aware how quickly that state of affairs could change.

Her own hand was resting on her flat and toned stomach and she imagined the life growing within her. A boy or a girl to love, care for and teach. A playmate for her own little brother. Who would it look like? She imagined a face with John's beautiful chocolate brown eyes and her own fair colouring and smiled silently. Surely fortune couldn't be so cruel as to deny her a life with the Father of her baby.

She slipped off the bed and covered John with the comforter before going downstairs to make some more tea; she left the bedroom door wide open so that she would hear if John called to her. When she arrived in the kitchen she smiled to herself and chided herself for being so like her Mother she always turned to the tea pot in times of worry and stress as well.

Upstairs John moaned in his sleep and threw back the cover Rose had put on him. His hair was wet with perspiration as if he was in the middle of a night sweat he was still asleep but he was becoming more and more distressed.

*He* was in pain. *His* body was wracked with wave upon wave of heat and light and then as suddenly as it had started it stopped. John stilled and relaxed back in to sleep.

When Rose returned to him she was alarmed to see him looking sweaty and with the comforter kicked off, but when she touched his forehead he felt normally warm. She went to the bathroom and ran a wash cloth in cool water which she dabbed on him gently. He didn't stir and she moved to her side of the bed and sat up and watched him as she drank.

She was just beginning to think she could maybe go and do something else when he moved and groaned as if in pain. *He* was back but something was wrong. *He* looked too perfect, *his* body had been battered, bruised and tormented but now *he* looked immaculate.

John gasped as he saw through *his* eyes. Mickey Smith! And Martha! They were together, very together and in terrible danger. A Sontaran!

"NOOOO!" The word tore from John's lips but just as suddenly the danger passed. The Sontaran dropped to the ground and there *he* was again. *He* looked at Mickey and Martha and she knew. So did John.

He was struggling to wake up; he didn't want to see this. Rose where was Rose? Rose had long since put down her mug of tea and was trying to soothe John as he thrashed and called for her.

"I'm here, John wake up! John!"

There was Luke Smith, he'd help him but what was the silly boy doing? Crossing the road, a car! *He* ran and threw himself at Luke and pushed him across and to the pavement. Sarah! *He* walked back to the TARDIS and turned to look at her.

John was calmer and he even seemed to smile in his sleep. He was breathing deeply and evenly but if he wouldn't wake up how could she tell him she loved him?

*He* was in a bar and there was the Captain and Alonso was seated alongside him. *He* watched as the barmen gave Jack the slip of paper *he* had written on. "His name is Alonso" was all it said… When Jack looked up *he* tilted his head almost imperceptibly to indicate the young man with big ears sat on Jack's left. Jack saluted and *he* left.

Back in the Smith's bedroom Rose was just left to watch. She brushed a tear away. He was still and calm again now but his body seemed to go from intense pain to peace in a matter of moments. How much more could a simple human body take before it succumbed?

He stiffened again and gasped aloud, that woman knew *him* as John as him. No wait it wasn't her, it wasn't Joan. He crept closer to listen he had to know who was she? Granddaughter? Susan? No no not *his* Granddaughter, hers… Joan's she had married again and been happy. Exhaling deeply John sank back in to his pillows.

"John please wake up!" She was shaking his shoulders now; she was very afraid and had even thought of calling their doctor but what could she say? "Please come quickly my husband is dreaming and I think the dreams will kill him?" The receptionist would laugh at her and hang up.

John watched as *he* bought a lottery ticket. *He* joked with a man who he thought he should know and when *he* bade him farewell and named him Geoffrey… John remembered; Geoffrey Noble. Then *he* was at a wedding; Donna and Sean's. Wilf saw *him* and *he* told him and Sylvia about borrowing a pound from a man named Geoffrey Noble but then it was time to leave; there was but just one more piece of the reward to receive… "Rose."


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter Thirteen

"Yes? John? You said my name please wake up… please?"

Rose laid her head on John's chest and sobbed in to his t shirt. She felt utterly helpless. All she had done for what felt like forever was wipe his forehead at intervals with a cool cloth.

John had gone from seemingly writhing in agony to appearing to smile in his sleep and back again more times than Rose could recall. He was weak and although his pulse was still strong she feared the stresses his body had been through would prove too much.

If her Doctor was battling like this and was destined to regenerate then what would become of John? When he had spoken her name hope had flared in her heart like an Olympic torch only to flicker and die when he still refused to open his eyes.

Rose was desperate; John had been sweating profusely and alternatively crying and whimpering in his sleep for the longest time. His eyes had opened momentarily and she had moved in front of him but while his eyes were open they were rimmed with red and held a vacant expression before sliding closed once more.

"DOCTOR!"

She yelled his name as loudly as she could not caring who might hear her. This might be her only chance and when she had needed *him* that first Christmas after *he* had changed saying *his* name and the words "Help me" had triggered a response from *him…* Maybe now, even though she couldn't see *him,* maybe *he* would hear her.

"DOCTOR HELP ME!"

There was no reply but a song filled the bedroom. It wasn't sung in English but momentarily it soothed John who slumped back on to his pillows whimpering as if he was in terrible pain. A noise alerted Rose to a presence in the room and she swung her face from John to where the noise had emanated from.

What she saw made her yelp and leap off the bed but he held up his orb and a finger to where a mouth on a human would be to shush her. Despite his alarming appearance Rose wasn't afraid she knew what he was but not why he was here. When he joined in with the chorus of voices she could still hear that were filling the room with music, a sense of peace descended on her. Somehow she knew that everything would be alright.

John screamed and she started to move to him but a movement from the ghostly image of the singing Ood stopped her. With a wave of his hand the Ood raised John from the bed and as his head fell back light poured from every orifice. His mouth was contorted in a silent scream of agony, his eyes were open again but the chocolate brown iris' had been replaced by a golden blindingly bright light.

As the glow faded and the room returned to normal and John floated back to their bed Rose raced to him. His lips were blue and his eyes wide open, vacant and unseeing. She placed her hand to his pulse on his neck, nothing.

Tears streamed down her face,

"BRING HIM BACK!" She fell on his chest and beat her hands against him in rage and grief. The Ood moved to her and placed a hand on her back which she violently pushed away.

"This song is ending but the story never ends."

"What does that mean? I want him back… please." Rose fell to her knees and clutched at her stomach sobbing uncontrollably. The Ood looked at her dispassionately and touched his orb to John's chest.

"Don't touch him! DON'T!"

John jerked under the Ood's orb as if an electric current had passed through his lifeless body before taking an almighty gulp of air and crying out in fear at the sight of the Ood in his bedroom and then falling back to his pillows as his eyes rolled up in to his head and closed.

"He will need much care. Tend to him. The connection is broken he will see and feel nothing of *him* again."

*"He's* changed hasn't* he?"*

*"His* song has ended but the story never ends."

"Meaning *he* regenerated; did it hurt?"

"It always hurts Rose." croaked John.

Rose swung to him and cradled him in her arms kissing his head as she held him. When she looked up from John the Ood had gone along with the singing voices.

*"He* didn't want to go Rose but *he* had to. If *he* hadn't changed *he* would have died."

"John I have to ask a question, I have to."

"Ask me."

"You saw it all?"

John nodded.

"Did *he* remember me?"

"Rose *he* saw you, *he* went back to New Years Eve. *He* saw you just as 2005 began. Do you remember?"

Rose looked at her broken husband and remembered,

"The drunk, just after Mum left? He didn't know what year it was. Was that *him?*

John nodded.

"Oh John!" tears stung at Rose's eyes, *"He* came back to before *he* was even *him, he* crossed *his* time line to…" her tears fell.

"To say goodbye Rose."

They clung to one another until they both cried themselves back to sleep.

Epilogue 12 months later.

"It's your turn to get up John."

"No it's yours."

"I did the 1am feed you didn't even move."

John sighed and rolled over to look at the worn out face of the woman he loved.

"When does this get any easier?"

"Mum says it might get better when he is on solids."

"How long is that?" asked John as he swung his long legs to the floor.

"Soon the way he is going; I can't do this until he is six months! Mum weaned me at three months and I survived."

"Very soon then" said John as he placed their son in the bed between them and moved him to Rose's breast where she latched him on with practiced ease. The baby fed greedily and John moved closer to enclose his family in a loving embrace.

There had been no more bad dreams; no more flashes of the Doctor or Donna, the link had indeed been broken. John didn't miss it. He and Rose had mourned the loss of the Tenth Doctor but they both knew that the Doctor continued to defend the planet; all that he had been was now contained in a different body and that gave John great peace of mind.

He was more like everyone else now. While there had been another who bore his face he had felt inferior. He had tried to view himself as one half of a pair of twins but even identical twins had differences, different memories. John had had nothing that set him apart, he had felt like a carbon copy, a duplicate and now he was truly unique.

John had never imagined life could be this good. He was now enjoying what the Doctor never could; an ordinary life. And just as the Ninth Doctor had instructed Rose to do before he had battled the Daleks and changed in to John's counterpart he was determined to make it a good life.

~fin~


End file.
